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 The dark side chapter two

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Alyssa
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PostSubject: The dark side chapter two   Thu Jan 01, 2009 11:02 am

Chapter Two: The slaying

The king left me in the forest alone. Suddenly I saw the dwarf talking to Samus. Samus gave Kaseus the jewel and I sprinted toward them and stopped behind some bushes. A surprise attack. I held my knife out at them. I aimed and shot at Kaseus. He dropped the Topaz and fell to the ground.

“Who’s there?” called Samus, a look of horror on his face. I took my sword and pounced on Samus holding the sword to his head.

“Get off of me!” Samus bellowed. He took something out of his sack… Another knife. And I thought this was going to be hard. I cut off Samus’ hand and held both knifes to his head.

“Just give me the jewel,” I said. “And I won’t kill you.” Samus started bucking so hard I had to grip his skin to hold on.

“Your mistake,” I said and dived the knives into his head. He collapsed to the ground, shaking. He was still alive but if I left him he would die.

I picked up the jewel and started walking towards the palace. Just one thing, which way was the palace?

I stumbled through the bushes hoping to find the other side but all I found was trees and more trees. It was getting darker each second I went deeper into the forest.

Suddenly I saw a light, not an exit to the endless maze of trees. It was candle light. Someone else was walking through the forest. I felt relieved to see that one light. Then it was gone. Too tired to follow the light I fell to the ground.

The next thing I knew, I woke up on horse back. Someone was riding me out of the forest. When we got to the view of the palace we stopped.

“For give me your majesty,” said the man that was riding me out of the forest. He bowed and left.
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Ekat
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PostSubject: Re: The dark side chapter two   Thu Jan 01, 2009 11:24 am

Too fast, again. Try telling it slower.
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PostSubject: Re: The dark side chapter two   Fri Jan 02, 2009 3:26 pm

This chapter has a lot of action, keep em coming! Good job

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PostSubject: Re: The dark side chapter two   Fri Jan 02, 2009 7:33 pm

I thought it was decent.
But, the action went in a nick of a time.
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