General jokes

First topic message reminder :

just general jokes here.


Why did the jelly baby go to school?
























because he wanted to be a smartie!

OMG that is funny!

Why did the elephant cross the road?
It was the chickens day off!

zomg i'm like dieng with laughter.

whats the simmilarity between micheal jackson, and playstations?






















they both get turned on by kids!

Oh, Mattie, I thought the answer was they can both be black or white, eh heh...

in micheal jacksons will, he said i want to be made into plastic lego blocks. It will be easy enough, because i am plastic. If you do make me into lego blocks kids can still play with me

What was made of plastic and is no longer a danger to small children?

A Woolworth's carrier bag of course, what else?

HAHA lol
micheal jackson said in his will he wanted to be a light switch, so kids could still turn him on.

I'm sorry, but that is VERY racist.

Delete that mattie, very racist.

Farah Fawcett died the same day as MJ but Farah died first. Farah went to heaven and wished for all the kids to be safe. Then MJ died

Lol.

Pie wrote:

Farah Fawcett died the same day as MJ but Farah died first. Farah went to heaven and wished for all the kids to be safe. Then MJ died

Haha, thats the only good joke I've seen here.

ok sorry about that racist joke i put i'll go edit.

Good.

This one is kinda long:

One day while walking down the
street a highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus
and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the
Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. "Welcome to Heaven," said St.Peter.
"Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see,
strangely enough, we've never once had an executive make it this far
and we're not really sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in." said the woman.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is
let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose
whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind...I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman.

"Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in
an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell. The doors opened and
she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful
golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front
of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked
with and they were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her.
They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old
times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the
country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.
She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute) and
she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a
good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody
shook her hand and waved good- bye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and
found St. Peter waiting for her. "Now it's time to spend a day in
heaven," he said.

So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing
the harp and singing. She had a great time and before she knew it her
24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.

"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity," he said.

The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought
I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think
I had a better time in Hell."

So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went
down-down-down back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she
found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and
Filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the
garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his
arm around her. "I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I
was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate
lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a
wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her and smiled. "Yesterday we were recruiting you; today you're staff."

That's more of ironic then funny. xD

Well I think its funny...

how do you make a door scream?








































twist it's knob XD