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 the dark side chapter three

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Alyssa
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PostSubject: the dark side chapter three   Sat Jan 03, 2009 6:59 am

chapter three; the prisoner


I entered the palace and walked to Mattiss, who was waiting in the courtyard.

“Father, I have the topaz,” I told him. He took the jewel and shined it with his fingers.

“Thank you, Sapphire,” said Mattiss. “You may leave.” I bowed to my father and left.

I wasn’t paying attention and went through an unknown hall. Then I heard screaming and crying coming from a door. I followed the sound and found where it was loudest… behind a very large metal door. It smelled very bad. Like sour milk. I wondered what was in that room. I tried to push the door open but it was stuck. I tried melting the door but all it did was get hot.

Suddenly everything was quiet. The door was glowing red from me trying to melt it. I cooled the door down and after a while the screaming started again. Suddenly I felt someone behind me.

“What are you doing here, princess?” asked Maysa. “Why are you trying to get in the dungeons?” I turned around to answer her.

“This room leads to the dungeons?” I wondered why Mattiss didn’t let me go in here before.

“I suppose you can go in there for a wee moment,” accepted Maysa. She took out a large key and tapped it on a certain spot of the door. The door opened and I saw stairs. The screaming sound was louder and it smelled worse.

I saw stairs. Millions of stairs that lead underground. I started walking down. Down, down, down, until I got underground. The dungeon was here.

Rats ran around, bugs crawled everywhere, and people were locked up, hung, and tied to the ground. They were starved, depressed, and angry.

This horrible place is the dungeon? I thought. Then I saw a boy. And he was perfectly fine and normal. It was so weird.


Last edited by alyrox2009 on Sat Jan 03, 2009 10:43 am; edited 1 time in total
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Cheesybanana
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PostSubject: Re: the dark side chapter three   Sat Jan 03, 2009 8:58 am

Not enough description, I like ot have a picture in my head when I read stories, otherwise it was Ok.

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PostSubject: Re: the dark side chapter three   Sat Jan 03, 2009 9:16 am

Weird story, reminds me of The Tale of Despeareax.
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PostSubject: Re: the dark side chapter three   Sat Jan 03, 2009 4:47 pm

The story got a bit - how can I say this - nevermind.
It was OK.
I liked it a little.
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PostSubject: Re: the dark side chapter three   Sat Jan 03, 2009 5:31 pm

I've read better, i've read worse. You might grow up to be a good writer.

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