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 The long Walk Home

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PostSubject: The long Walk Home   Mon Dec 15, 2008 3:23 pm

Nine in the evening, winter time, the snow fell heavily on the streets, a slight bed of white began to appear on the surface of the cobbled streets. I finished my shift at the local supermarket, I had been staring at that damn clock since 5 o'clock, those demanding, histerical customers trying to get their last minute christmas shopping in, will they ever learn?

Nine came, the slowest 7 hours of my life had finished. I scurried to the locker room, grabbed my coat and hastily signed out, merry christmas assholes.
Five miles away from where I live, my damn dad at home eating cheetos bag by bag couldnt even be bothered to pick me up. No. story of my life.

I began to walk, the condensation would make you think i'm a smoker. My lips, chapped, sore, began to bleed, the pain was unbearable, like someone had poured salt into a wound. I took the pain, I always have to take it.
Ten minutes of walking I spot a group of youths kicking a small object, as I come in to the vicinity, I notice it is a small animal, a cat was my first thoght. I approach them with much anger, and fury in my eyes, damn, i'm turning into my father. I tell them what I have to say, i pay for it. Last time I help, damn fuckers.

There are no cars on the road, everyone is at home. I felt isolated, lonely, alienated. I thought of my favourite TV show, damn, that cheered me up.
The snow grew feircer, the cold was beginning to numb my hands, I could picture my gloves sitting there, at home by the roaring fire, well, thats no good is it? Again, I strived through.

Fuck. The crossroads. Memories surfaced once again. My beloved Julie, you were so beautiful, your long blonde hair, blue, glistening eyes. You were an angel, sent by God. The 24th of September, worst day of my life, you were taken away from me, taken from my arms, my beating heart. I died that day. I still can still see you lying in the road, bloody, scared, broke. The driver never stopped, the fucking son of a bitch drove off without the descency to offer consolance. The police never found his cowardly ass, I don't know how he sleeps at night. Prick.

The flowers I laid were dead, I pick them up and made a mental note to buy some more. I then stopped. Thought. Is life worth living, will I always be subject to pain, and misery? A car appeared, damn, the first one in 6 miles, I then look at the ground, and say 3 words; I'm coming Julie. I stepped in the road, sorry, man.
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Dark Samus
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PostSubject: Re: The long Walk Home   Mon Dec 15, 2008 3:34 pm

your deep man
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PostSubject: Re: The long Walk Home   Mon Dec 15, 2008 3:52 pm

Nice story.
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PostSubject: Re: The long Walk Home   Mon Dec 15, 2008 5:14 pm

Nice word choice. I would remove the swear words.

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PostSubject: Re: The long Walk Home   Mon Dec 15, 2008 5:40 pm

Do you really need to swear so much? Damn is ok, but after you said it 10 times it got annoying.

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Emotions are a predefined set of reactions governed by both physical and mental limitations. Past memories and experiences will also play a factor.
Memories are affected by mental reconstruction, fore over emotions are the extreme general word of the predefined set of reactions, every emotion will follow up the general word it expresses, but be caused differently.

-Extreme differentiations will cause exclusions-
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Dark Samus
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PostSubject: Re: The long Walk Home   Mon Dec 15, 2008 5:43 pm

good story but as everyone else said too much cussing
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PostSubject: Re: The long Walk Home   Mon Dec 15, 2008 6:30 pm

I actually thought the cussing was fitting. It portrays the character well. I'm interested to hear more about Julie...so I guess it's another story I'm hooked on. But, of course, there were some grammar mistakes. But, everyone has them.
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