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 The life of a slave girl

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Alyssa
The Universe Mask
The Universe Mask
Alyssa


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Registration date : 2008-12-03

The life of a slave girl Empty
PostSubject: The life of a slave girl   The life of a slave girl EmptyWed Feb 25, 2009 5:42 pm

1843






Dear
Diary,





Strangers
came to my village. I did not know them well. They dressed strange,
their skin was pale, and they were forcing people onto a strange
object. It was big and it had huge cloths that the wind blew to make
the object move across the water. My village gathered around to
watch. The strangers took people separating them from their families.
Then they forced me into somewhere I have not seen or been to before.
They chained me against a little girl. She looked only five years
old.






Momma!”
she cried. “Don't let them take me!” But her momma couldn't here.
We were gliding across the ocean.


Maykao


Last edited by alyrox2009 on Sat Feb 28, 2009 7:55 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Stackman
Yellow Swordsmaster
Yellow Swordsmaster
Stackman


Number of posts : 1223
Age : 27
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The life of a slave girl Left_bar_bleue0 / 30 / 3The life of a slave girl Right_bar_bleue

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The life of a slave girl Left_bar_bleue0 / 150 / 15The life of a slave girl Right_bar_bleue

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The life of a slave girl Empty
PostSubject: Re: The life of a slave girl   The life of a slave girl EmptyWed Feb 25, 2009 7:13 pm

Not bad, but I would say have a more what you say 'grabbing' openning. It was decent, but I would just start with a more grabbing opening. Nice idea though Razz
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Ekat
Pink Bender
Pink Bender
Ekat


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PostSubject: Re: The life of a slave girl   The life of a slave girl EmptyWed Feb 25, 2009 7:24 pm

Not bad. You're 10? Kinda easy. Give more details Razz
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Bloonerators
Red Monkey
Red Monkey
Bloonerators


Number of posts : 228
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Registration date : 2008-12-05

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PostSubject: Re: The life of a slave girl   The life of a slave girl EmptyWed Feb 25, 2009 7:59 pm

Bad, i'm sorry to have to say.
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PostSubject: Re: The life of a slave girl   The life of a slave girl Empty

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